Shaw started off the evening looking for a path to Volcano Manor, which I hear in my head said with a spooky voice, like the narrator of a 1980’s Saturday morning cartoon: “VOLCAAAANO MAAAANOR.” Maybe I’m thinking of the Tales from the Crypt kid’s show?
In any case, on her pathfinding journey, Shaw discovered the Wyndham Catacombs, which apparently have no affiliation with the Wyndham Hotels & Resorts chain, which was too bad, because Shaw was working her way up to a free night’s stay. That was a lie, as Shaw usually prefers to stay at IHG properties, and sometimes Marriott.
After clearing the catacombs, Shaw continued her search and chanced upon this happy little scene of 4 Abductors Virgins merrily spreading mayhem and death across a soldier encampment. It is at this very moment that Shaw decided to call it a night for the Lands Between and instead phone in a Wuthering Heights (2026) review, a film she had watched the preceding evening with a rather large group of work colleagues.
In order to properly review the film, Shaw decided to read the book it was based on, and got a quarter of the way through. The prose was slightly too dense, and she was having trouble following the plot, so instead she listened to Kate Bush’s song version. While a solid classic and a total banger, Shaw felt the song did not really explain anything, probably because she was too mesmerized by the dance moves.
Shaw then looked up the Danish power metal band Wuthering Heights in case they had a concept album that might have clarified the story somewhat, but again she was disappointed in this regard. What she did find is that they had a song on their third album titled, Bad Hobbits Die Hard. “Yippe kay-aye (placeholder for appropriate Middle Earth / Die Hard mashup reference).”
Finally, to close out her research, Shaw looked up previous Wuthering Heights adaptations, of which there were plenty, and found these notable ones:
- Emily Brontë’s Wuthering Heights (1992) – Starring Ralph Fiennes (😍) and Juliette Binoche (😍😍😍), this adaption apparently included the oft-omitted second generation story of Catherine’s children (according to Wikipedia).
- Abismos de pasión (1954) – Directed Luis Buñuel, this version takes place in the windy highlands of Mexico.
- Wuthering Heights (2011) – Easily Shaw’s favorite version of all the adaptations she hasn’t seen, which is all of them, excepting the latest one.
So, how did the latest adaptation stack against all those that came before it? 8/10. Also it has Margot Robbie and Jacob Elordi. 9/10. Also Charlie XCX did some songs for it, and it’s pretty funny. So 10/10. Just watch the trailer.
