Shaw had heard tales that Mt. Gelmir was in fact a mountain, so she decided to climb it, as one does. Unlike Mt. Everest, she wouldn’t to risk the lives of underpaid sherpas or leave thrash strewn about everywhere on the slopes for this expedition, because helpfully, someone had installed ladders all along the sheer rock face of the mountain. Gelmir 1 : Everest 0.
You know what else Mt. Everest is missing? Giant swords stabbed into the ground, halfway up the ascent, with poetry written on them. Seriously Nepal, get your shit together. Gelmir 2 : Everest 0.
Nice view, but if someone can build a manor that is nearly as tall as you are, can you really consider yourself a mountain? Even Mount Royal is taller than Mt. Gelmir, and that’s not even a mountain, point goes to Everest. Gelmir 2 : Everest 1.
Also, as dangerous as the Mt. Everest climb can be, once you reach the top, you won’t get headbutted off the edge by a Fallingstar Beast (think if someone merged a scorpion, an earwig, and a goat, and made them ginormous, and out of solid rock). So, I have to give this one to Mt. Everest. Gelmir 2 : Everest 2.
In the end, Shaw conquered Mt. Gelmir and the fearsome beast atop it. Despite its many shortcomings, she would rather people climb Mt. Gelmir than Mt. Everest, since the former is fake and the latter is real, its being ruined by rich assholes, much like the rest of the world. And so I don’t leave you on a depressing note, enjoy this video:
